Peeing in Bed

Being exhausted from my tumultuous bike ride I retired rather early on Saturday evening. We did go out to dinner at a nice Afghanistan restaurant in Burlingame. I was surprised at how packed it was but apparently Afghan is the new trend circulating the food industry as well as British and American Tabloids. Maybe bringing the food here was part of the overall war strategy as we mount further offensives into the country with our British partners in order to crush those damn Taliban. Nothing like do a little cave hopping with hand grenades.

Dinner was ok and we decided to go see a movie but “Hangover” was sold out so we stop off for some ice-cream and headed home. I managed to stay awake until about 8:30 then with an aching body I creped slowly to bed and curled up into a quivering muscle twitching ball and fell asleep. 62 mile bike rides do that to old men I guess. The dogs ventured into our bedroom with me so I pulled Bean in bed and Delilah curled up on her soft cotton pillow top covers lying to the side. I think dogs must sense when you are not 100%. They really are man’s best friend.

Around 3 AM I woke up having slept my allotted time lamenting my body’s time clock that doesn’t allow me to ever sleep more than 6 hours straight. God, I pine for the days when I could sleep without interruption for 12 plus hours. I think they call that they teenage years. I imagine only the Catholics have enough guilt built up to lie in bed for any longer. Those damn Catholics are constantly feeling burdened by something other than killing off the son of God I imagine. That alone is a fairly large burden to shoulder. As I fought off the urge to grab my computer and write I really made an honest effort to head back to slumber land and get the much needed rest my body needed. It had been put through the ringer yesterday and I so much wanted to sleep in.

I must have succeeded because it was with aggravation when I heard Bean crying and attempting to inch his way up to the top of our bed. He oftentimes tries to crawl under the covers with us since he gets a little cold at night. We have drawn the line there not wanting to encourage that much contact with the little guy. Holy Shit, we let him sleep in bed isn’t that enough. After reprimanding him a few times for crying and putting him back down to the bottom of the bed it was with sudden panic and fear when I heard the familiar forced spraying sound that is only depicted by somebody who has been backed up for a while shooting forth their bodily fluids.

I knew that I wasn’t peeing. We are just not into that type of sexual activity, not that there is anything wrong with that. Jesus what am I saying, that is screwed up people. My girlfriend doesn’t make that noise so I leaped out of bed turned on the light and grabbed Bean as he was unloading his urine at the foot of the bed. Holy shit, that dog is lucky he is cute or he would be dead by now. I ran him outside and quickly stripped off the quilts and comforters before any permanent damage could be done, thankfully observing that it had not soaked through to the mattress. I guess he had gone to bed early with me and I had in my tired state not let him out for his nightly pee session before crawling to bed. Yet again another debacle instigated by my biking adventure from the day before.

I guess I now know what Sunday morning will bring us as we head to the laundry mat and wash all of our bedding. Bean has lost his sleeping privileges for quite a while at this point. I can tolerate a lot of things but peeing in bed is not one of them. I am not Catholic and never have been. Those Catholics probably don’t know any better one way or the other about urination protocol being so wrapped up in guilty remorse. Just for good measure I said a couple of Hail Mary’s and after writing this will be heading back to sleep.

Nobody probably believes this many things can happen to one person but I guess I am either blessed or cursed with a life of adventure. Just depends on your religion with how you view things. I don’t have to say it for you to get it this time do I? At least I am not Natalie Portman and have dogs thinking they can pee right on me. Is she Catholic?