Learning the States

I met a guy from Canada at a baseball game the other night and he continually commented on how Americans have no idea what is occurring outside the United States. Not only that but he made the point how we don’t really even know our own territory. He challenged me to a game of naming the capitals for each state and of course as can be expected he won. The citizens of the US as a whole are really a self centered all about me society. While the statistics vary and there does not seem to be any official standard the ranges of Americans who own a passport is somewhere between 7% to 20+% depending on what study you are quoting.

No matter what the range it is extremely low. Our country is isolated from the world of its own accord or by geography perhaps but no matter what the reason it is odd that we don’t even study other cultures. I remember the “Sleepless in Seatle” movie and the father (Tom Hanks) is attempting to explain to his son the distance between Seattle and Philadelphia. He then utters in amazement wondering what they are teaching his son in school.

How can we possibly not know that New Mexico is state?

I remember one time a while back hearing about a study that asked geography questions and how it quoted that over 50% of the people polled had no idea that New Mexico was a state. OMG. I am currently reading a book and it states that less than 1 out of 5 Americans can name one of the four rights guaranteed in the constitution yet over 50% of us can name at least two characters on the Simpsons. Are you kidding me?

American Idol gets hundreds of millions of votes in a polling season which far outstrips any election percentage. Granted you can only vote once in elections, unless you are voting in Iran I guess. Does anyone care that North Korea is becoming a nuclear power or do most of us not even know that North Korea is a country? With the divorce rate hovering around 50% is it so important that the top headlines of the day is Jon and Kate are officially separated and have filed for divorce? I loved Ed McMahon but does him passing away trump any sort of update on the continued unrest in Pakistan.

Our preoccupation with Hollywood and the daily activities of Jennifer Aniston can only go so far in furthering our nation’s ability to cope with world events, my god look who is the governor of CA for Christ’s sake. OK, I will get off my soap box and play the new state game I recently bought for my kids. If nothing else hopefully they will know the geographical layout of our country. Of course we will do so while watching the new reality show by Jessica Simpson “Beauty”. I can’t wait for it to come out.

What the hell?

Just for the record and for anyone out there who is slower than I care to comment on, Jessica Simpson is in no way related to or associated with any of the characters on the show the Simpsons.

Given the sad state of our society I felt I would have to point that out for the 40% of you who might get confused.

Hasselhoff gets 90210 while celebrating cinco de mayo

In today’s society (and I do mean today) the headlines are mixed with Specter jumping parties switching from being a Republican to being a Democrat, Souter jumping ship completely heading out to pasture and China deciding anyone of Mexican decent needs to be put on a plane and well, airlifted back to Mexico. Is that the solution to the swine flu or as I liked to call it now (90210 STD). We switched the name to help pig farmers but how can we help Cinco de Mayo by shipping anyone Hispanic back to Mexico. Does this mean all holidays might be in trouble and Santa Clause will be forced to stay in the North Pole?

Maybe on St. Patrick’s Day it isn’t food coloring in the beer turning it green and we can ship all the Irish people home as well. I went out last Friday for lunch and had a burrito at a local Mexican restaurant and the place was barely happening. Are we really so sadly lost in life to think that isolating people in hotels and shipping ethnic groups back home can solve the spreading of (90210 STD). We live in a global community and with the overpopulation of the world we should just prepare for the inevitable. Life is ending as we know it…..or we could have a beer which leads me back to my original point before I got sidetracked.

In today’s society with all the major headlines do we really have to hear about David Hasselhoff on a drinking binge again? I mean please the best movie he ever did was Square Pants Sponge Bob. The guy never could act he just looked good in a swimsuit and now looks good well swimming in beer. If anyone should be depressed it should be Edwards. I mean his wife has cancer again, she has written a book, he was caught sticking his littlest finger in the cookie jar and to top it off he used campaign money to pay for his dates. This is the guy touted as the next best thing for politics as he paved the road for internet proliferation of propaganda enabling Obama’s run for presidency.

This stuff is too good for the movies. We should all watch it on a big screen (say the new Kindle 60 inch) but I think that is only for books. God forbid anyone would want to flip pages anymore. It is just too difficult. If Google has their way we won’t even have books at some point they will change the wording and we will have to refer to them as “Google Books”. Libraries will have to shut down and everyone will need to pay Google a fee to read “Huckleberry Finn”. Do we know if Google has plans to burn all previously distributed copies?

They way I see it we have two choices. We can either round up all the pigs in Egypt and exterminate them or we can round them all up and check them into the local Ritz Carlton, sorry Paris. Once they are there we can display the latest “Google Books” on a large screen Kindle and have Hasselhoff serve drinks? If this doesn’t solve our problems then as a last desperate attempt for a solution we could hire the Pakistani government to send a bunch of boys in with weapons and pretend to declare war on the pig farmers. My money is on the farmers, until Zardari pushes the button that is. Then we should all hunker down for a big plate of pork chops as we will be in some deep shit.