Divorce OMG, I thought it was over?

The funny thing is, with kids the interaction with your ex wife never ends.  It just keeps going and going and going and going and what the hell?  Today was my day to pick up the kids.  I left at a little after 5 PM and headed over.  Normally the traffic is a little heavy on Fridays and God forbid I would be late.  So I cranked the radio up, turned on the air and pushed down on the gas.  Unfortunately I pushed down a little too hard and I got there about 30 minutes too early.  My ex was not there but the three girls were so I talked to them for a bit.  My little one wanted to show me her room.

I thought it was harmless but must admit I am always frightened to enter the ex’s house.  She scares the living shit out of me.  So I tentatively walked inside, took a peak at everyone’s room and then ran right back out.  I was excited for the girls.  The house is in complete disarray but they are just now moving in.  I think when it is finished it will work out great for them.  The location is also fantastic.  It is near the ocean a block away from my ex’s sister’s house and the cousins and close to school.  It is really a perfect location.  The neighborhood is flat as well.  An anomaly on the coast.  This will let the kids actually play outside.

I couldn’t help but think it was a great move.  Since my ex was not there we loaded up the car and seeing how it was still early I asked them if they would like to drive to the old house and say goodbye to their mom.  They all agreed so the oldest called her mom and told her the plan.  Holy Shit.  That is when hell became reality.  She started screaming through the phone how it was not 6 and our agreement was 6 and there was no way that I should be picking them up.  I responded by simply saying “Jesus Christ”, “Are you insane”.  I thought it was a legitimate question.

Just so I get the facts straight.  I was 20 minutes early, driving the kids to her so she could say goodbye and was saying sorry for traffic being light letting me arrive early.  That was still not enough.  Now she copied my attorney, is threatening to not sign the paperwork and is going to tell the judge I wrote in an e-mail that she is insane.  It is true on both parts.  I wrote it and she is coo coo.  I mean I was 20 minutes early for Christ sake.

My attorney wrote back and snickered at the entire exchange.  I think he gets a kick out of making money and getting to enjoy such an entertaining exchange at the same time.  It is like getting paid to watch crazy people make fools of themselves.

So in the end I drove the kids back to their new house.  She was still not there.  We parked on the street until the clock struck 6:03 and then we headed out.  She never did show up.  What the hell is wrong with her?  Is there something in the salt water that sucks the sanity out of all living people?

I now realize that no matter what, it will never be over.  I can only hope that next week I am not late by 10 minutes.  If she freaked out about me being early she might kill me for being late.  I mean seriously.  She might kill me.  I am scared shitless here people. 

I can’t be late. 

Ever. 

Please God help me never be late.

Please.

I of course can’t be early either.  ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Taking a Walk

The last couple of days a co-worker and I have taken a walk at lunch.  We walk about a mile plus to a restaurant have lunch and then walk back.  Taking a walk before and or after lunch is fantastic.  I have been touting riding my bike to work since I began that process and how amazing that is as well.  I think just getting out in the sunshine is incredible.  Breathing the fresh air, taking in the outdoors.  The stuffy confines of regurgitated air can get to you at times.  During our lunch to the chagrin of my friend we and two others talked about running marathons.  He ran the SF Marathon last weekend.  He only ran the half but still that is quite an accomplishment in my book.

I hate running.  Mostly because I just can’t do it.  Even the thought of running has me breaking out in hives.  I like biking, I like walking, swimming, picnics and a cool summer breeze. ……………….. Sorry about that.  I almost fell into a Hallmark card.  Anyway, the discussion came up again about marathon runners and the issues that they face.  Everyone knows that your body was not pieced together to endure things that we put our bodies through.  The thing that makes athletes great is when they accomplish something that is amazing.  Just running a marathon is amazing in my books but……………….If I didn’t hate running to begin with I think I definitely would after I started hearing the side effects.

Apparently it is common for marathon runners to get the runs when they are running.  They just lose control of their bowels and it comes out everywhere.  There have been some fairly big named runners who have stopped in the middle or toward the end of a race and simply dropped their pants and taken a shit right in front of the crowd.  In Boston where the race begins there were all kinds of write ups about the neighborhood and what the people did to keep people off their lawn.  High powered squirt guns, cameras, water hoses etc. were used to keep people from squatting as the race was beginning and dumping anywhere and everywhere they could.

If you simply look-up on marathons and shit you get the famous picture from a couple of years ago where the British marathon runner lost it in a race and refused to stop.  He just kept running with the stuff all over his legs.  I won’t even post it.  It is too damn disgusting.

I am not condemning running or running marathons I am just surprised to be finding this out now.  I had no idea that people would get so focused on beating a time that relieving yourself became secondary.  I personally feel that no matter what sport I take up I will always take the time to shit in a toilet but that is just me.  We all remember Paula Radcliff right.  Peeing toward the end of her race right on the track.

I have pretty limited experience in this area so if anyone has any first hand knowledge let me know.  My friend said that in the SF Marathon a couple of Kenyans bumped each other and lost their bowels right in the race but I don’t have any proof of this.  If you were there or have a picture send it in.  duncanmoron@journalstone.com

I think for now I will stick to my bike and maybe a walk at lunch while working.  If you are a runner tell me what the facts are.  This phenomenon has me a curious.  Below is the link to the picture I was referring but again click on it at your own risk.

http://www.linkognito.com/b.php?b=791

JournalStone will be moving forward

August 1st is coming very soon.  I am pretty sure it is this Saturday and with that we will be launching our new website.  We have linked in other sites, revamped the layout, added a search engine; provide links to some interesting stuff and our sweatshirts and t-shirts are now available for sale.  All of this after setting up our company and opening a checking account.  Might seem like small events but in the end every little piece gets us closer to operating like a real business.

One of the exciting things will be our blog register.  Anyone who signs up will be automatically entered into the free t-shirt give-a-way that we will be doing monthly.  I know everyone out there has just been dying to get a JournalStone shirt.  It will be on all the magazine covers as soon as we get Eliza Dushku to be our spokesperson.  Excitedly we have already sold two shirts and I just picked them up today.  We also earned our first 32 cents in advertising revenue.  32 cents.  I bought everyone lunch just to celebrate.  All of this and the site is not even open to the public yet.

Our monthly hit count has gone up every again and I thought it might not be possible to top June when we had the influx of traffic from Farrah Fawcett’s passing away.  I have always been a fan so I had done a few blogs on her over the first few weeks.  We not only met the monthly total but have now surpassed it.  Every month seems to bring new milestones achieved in the business endeavor.  Still can’t seem to get the book published.  Those damn editors have to deal with a lot of grammatical mistakes on my part.  Good thing I am not paying them by the mistake.  I might not be able to afford it.

So give us the weekend to work out the quirks and starting Monday tune in for the launch of the month.  August should bring more excitement.  With all of the additions I am hoping our content and traffic continue to grow.

If you have any suggestions send them in to duncanmoron@journalstone.com.  If they are good I will post them and if they are not then I will mock you and put you down publically. 

Sorry, it just seems to be the way I work.

Vanity at a cost

We all want to look good.  It is just natural.  Some of us look better than others (not including myself in the former for sure) but in general we all want to look our best.  Interestingly enough what is somebody’s best?  It is different for everyone right.  We all have different tastes and the flair for style is as wide as the nerdy engineer down the hall to the good looking marketing person in the next cube.  Why is it that the good looking people are always in sales or marketing and us average slumps are in the engineering and finance areas?  Is there some written rule that I was not aware of.

Along with looking good there is the gambit of devices to help us achieve the best that we can.  Make-up, earrings, tattoos, hairspray, curlers, blow dryers etc. etc.  At the top of the echelon is perfume.  It creates the atmosphere and sets the tone of what we want to project.  What happens when your perfume turns lethal?  At a Texas call center an innocent woman sprayed a waft of perfume and the people around her started dropping like flies.  The place had to be evacuated, several were sent to the hospital and well over a 100 complained of illness.  What in the hell are you talking about.  Is this for real or possibly the stupidest thing you have ever heard of?

We have all dealt with the office person (some male some female) who walks down the hall and you can smell them about 500 feet in advance.  The guy or girl who sprays the entire bottle on every day before they venture out of the house.  We all know them but do they make us nauseous?  They might make me a little queasy at times but I don’t think I would call 911.  Has everyone in Texas lost their mind?  It is almost as crazy as………….wait for it……………..those Catholic people.  hahaha, haven’t said that in a few blogs have I?  You know those Catholic people who dress up every Sunday and go to church or Mass.  What is it called when you dunk people in the tub of water, smashing their head below the surface?  When I was a kid I always thought it was cool to see the swimming pool right there in church until I saw the Pastor trying to drown somebody.

It is all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.  Yes, I know that is not the Catholic religion but you are missing the point.  When I say the word Catholic it is simply using the sect to represent all religions so I can make fun of them as a group.  Not that I am Atheist.  Those people creep me out.  You have to believe in something.  Who in the hell makes that toxic perfume in Texas if we don’t have a God and a Devil.  Somebody has to make the stuff smell sweet and then somebody has to pour it on so thick that you suffocate from it.  You get both sides.

Fort Worth, Texas.  If I remember Texas that well everyone wears the caked on make-up and the bottle of perfume and what about that hair.  Is there something in the water that makes every woman’s hair in Texas stand about 3 feet above her head?  Working in a call center in Texas must be like working in a whore house without sex.  You get the entire plastic facade without the pleasure.  OMG, that sounds again like Catholics.  hahahaha, does anyone get this stuff.

OK, what do you get when you combine a Texan and a Catholic?  I don’t know the answer.  I am asking the question.

The Divorce Saga Continues

Or does it?  I guess it depends on how you look at it.  If I understand things correctly and God only knows I don’t pay enough attention to the happenings in this process, I think I might be close.  My attorney said that once he files the paperwork after our hearing yesterday I will officially be divorced.  Holy Shit……  Can you believe that?  Now for the not so good news.

It seems that I will still have to go to mediation on the stocks and retirement accounts.  Apparently my wife still feels that I have stolen from her and wants me to refund her all of her money.  I am not sure what money she is referring to since I don’t have any but what can I say.  Logic hasn’t prevailed in this mess so far.  Why would logic start now?  According to my lawyer it will be binding takes about two hours and only cost $50.  Now that is a far cry from the $400 an hour I am paying him so it seems like a good deal.  I guess we can do this even after we are divorced which is fine by me.  Having the papers saying I am free will be a day to celebrate.

The only other thing left will be going back to court to revisit the child custody payments.  Jesus, I keep saying the only thing left a lot don’t I.  In a nutshell I will finally be divorced but will most likely be spending the rest of my life in court with this woman.  I had been thinking it was the kids that would keep us connected but apparently it will also be the family judicial system.  It is too bad that we could not have done this entire thing through a mediator.  It would have been so much nicer on all of us.

I guess I should count my blessings.  One, I will finally be legally free and can add my name to the 50% bracket on the divorced side.  Two, our house is selling and I might actually get a little money to pay some bills.  Three, the court thing will keep going and that just provides me plenty of topics to write about in my blog.  It seems that I am getting a following of divorce junkies that tune in just to hear the latest in my family drama.

Good news everyone.  I will be divorced but the saga will keep on going.

Dollhouse (Eliza Dushku)

I wrote a blog on May 19, 2009 Melissa Rycroft (Playboy Pictures).  In the blog I sarcastically commented that FOX had renewed the show Dollhouse and I had never even heard of it.  At the time I must have been insane.  I had no idea that Eliza Dushku was in the show nor how extraordinarily hot she is.  I admit now to my folly and will make every attempt to be forgiven for my inept ability to see the facts.

The premise of the show is getting a group of people to go out and do a bunch of weird and crazy shit then erasing their memory so you can get them to do a bunch of different crazy shit the next week.  Ok, I haven’t seen the show.  I will admit that.  I just did this morning realize that Eliza Dushku was in it and well I have missed her since her vampire killing days.  Wasn’t she also in some movie “Bring it On”?  Haven’t I spent enough time by now telling everyone that I love a girl in a cheerleading outfit?  Those little skirts and those sweaters.  Can the common man ask for anything more.  It is the best reason to sit courtside at a Warrior basketball game.  God only knows you are not there to watch the team.

I will be going out today and purchasing the DVD set for season one which is now available for sale.  I missed the entire first season.  I hope to God one of the episodes has her dressed up as a cheerleader again.  It is like having the best of all worlds combined in perfect symmetry.  It will be good to see something that doesn’t highlight the movie series Twilight.  I am so sick of getting up every morning and seeing another article on the mediocrity of cinema.  Who cares if Rachelle Lefevre was replaced?  The first movie was average at best.  The books were a cute teenage depiction of romantic blubbering but the movie?  Please.  Unless the second one takes a drastic upturn I don’t think I will be able to stomach watching it.

There is only so much high school romance one can see in a single day.  Just ask Jessica Simpson and Kenny Chesney.  Speaking of high school blathering crap.  Do we really think that Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson because she was winking a little bit too much with Kenny Chesney?  Has anyone seen the pictures I posted in my last blog about her?  Did you see how big those stripes were?  I think we all know why Tony said no no to Jessica.  She seems to have been hitting the down home Texas cooking a little heavy the last couple of years.  Can you say no thank you to that second helping of home fried chicken?

I will let everyone know how the Dollhouse show plays out in the upcoming blogs but in the meantime here is my tribute to Eliza Dushku.  With some celebrities it is difficult finding that right photo that is sensual enough to post but with her……  Holy shit, almost every photo she takes is smoking hot.  I can’t wait to see her spread, I mean see her new spread in FHM magizine coming up soon.

When do things go too far?

What is our limit?  Do we have a limit?  Is it ok for Tony Romo to Ban Jessica Simpson from his home?  If they are broken up it seems legitimate.  Is it ok for him to post a sign stating that Jessica Simpson is not welcome in his home?  Well, that might be pushing a boundary or two it seems.  What is our limit in the world today?  We hear about the cost of obesity reaching $147 Billion a year.  Does it matter?  Can the government really tell us what to do?  Eating a dessert here and there should be my business right?  Well, the government tells me I have to wear a helmet when I drive a motorcycle.  Is that hurting anyone?  No, the biggest reason for that law is the cost of healthcare.

Do we see a correlation?  Where do we draw the line?  K-Fed is finally making the news for more than being the former spouse of Brittney Spears.  It seems that Mr. Kevin Federline has grown a little and is now being touted as the next reality star of a losing weight TV show.  Is that crossing a line?  Haven’t we all overindulged to a certain extent?  It is pretty common knowledge that Mischa Barton is a drug addict and has some serious mental issues.  She is getting out of her treatment center but it seems the biggest concern is getting her back to work, not seeing if she is healthy.  Is somebody in the limelight better off taking a break and finding another career if she has proven that she can’t handle the pressure?  Do we care?

It seems we are becoming so self centered that our society sues first and asks questions later.  I love the article on the Horizon Group Management Group.  They are suing a former tenant for posting on her Twitter account”…Who said sleeping in a moldy apartment was bad for you? Horizon realty thinks it’s okay.”  She is followed by 20 people.  Posting this message on Twitter for 20 people to read has sullied The Horizon Group’s reputation?  One of the family members who run The Horizon Group actually said “We’re a sue first, ask questions later kind of an organization”.  Are you kidding me?

It almost makes you want to throw in the towel and give up.  Companies have evolved to caring very little about employees, health care costs are through the roof, unemployment is rising, CA can’t pay its bills and now to top it off it has been proven that Sun Beds can cause cancer.  Yes, you heard it here.  The recent study has shown that the frequent use of sun beds increases the chances of you catching Melanoma.  We should have probably know that anyway but just in case.  I wonder if Kim Kardashian uses a sun bed.  That skin of hers is awesome.  Can we ask her?  Now that she has some free time maybe we can get her on board as a spokesman?

If anyone knows how to contact her let me know.  So far I have not had any takers in our offers to be the Journalstone Front Woman.

The good news is you can always count on your fellow employees.  I can’t imagine working in an environment where somebody would spread false accusations about you with no basis or facts.  It would make it even worse if they raised their concerns to the senior VP’s of a company.  If people can sue over a Twitter remark can you sue your employer for disparaging your reputation without facts or a basis?  Seems like you should be able to.  Maybe today when I go to divorce court I will ask my attorney the hypothetical question and see what he says.

Ah, the joys of life.

Jessica Simpson, I am not here to judge

Jessica Simpson splitting from her football boyfriend, Kim Kardashian calling it quits with Reggie Bush what is happening in the young sports world of today.  At least Alex Rodriquez and Kate Hudson are still riding the pony.  We wouldn’t want all of our mixed couples moving by the wayside.  How are we to exist in a happy balanced society if we can’t have our sports and entertainment packaged together?  It is like a match made in heaven.  Just think of the babies coming out all buff and good looking and yet being able to sing and dance as well.  We could have a world of super people and segregate them as they are elevated to an elite status.  Hmmmm, didn’t a country in Europe try that already?  I am just saying.

Anyway, I won’t begin to speculate on why Tony Romo had enough of Jessica Simpson.  I am not going to point fingers, or comment at all.  I am simply going to state that I have placed three pictures of her as she sang for the golfing legend Tiger Woods the other day and I have three pictures of her when she was looking smoking hot.  I personally think she is a wonderful girl.  It isn’t strange that she did the reality thing or that her father is a little too close to her (didn’t you always wonder about that relationship) but who am I to judge.  Nobody, nothing, so I won’t do it.  I won’t tell you that my favorite pictures are the ones of her in those bikinis instead of her in that really wide black and red striped dress.  Those are big stripes and I am not sure that anyone looks good in stripes that big.  It just isn’t flattering.

I will say this.  Emma Watson is going to Brown University.  If I was 18 and trying to pick a college I know which one I would pick.  I of course could never get into Brown University but I could work there as a bus boy or something.  Maybe a cleaning guy who picked up the trash around the lawn.  I could do that.  It would make me nice and tan and I would be moving a lot so maybe I would be in good shape.  It isn’t all about the mind you know.  You want to look good as well.  I guess that is why it is so hard for me to hear about Jessica.  We all know her mind is a little on the soft side and well now she seems like everything is turning into one big marshmallow.

Whatever happened to Daisy Duke?  The good news is there is hope in my divorce.  Not actually in the divorce but I now have hope.  If Hulk Hogan can finalize his parting of ways with Linda then there is not only hope for me but for all of us poor saps out there.  I am not comparing my wife to Hulk Hogan mind you but if you see something on your own then I won’t deny the similarities either.  Everyone sees what they want in somebody else.  That is what makes the world a beautiful place.

Maybe with Jessica’s recent return to singledom and Hulk now out looking for a date we can match the two up.  Does anyone but me see a natural fit here.  Those would be some damn good looking huge babies that is for sure.  It would be like Rob Lowe injected with steroids if he grew about two feet and put on 300 pounds.  I don’t know how big Hulk Hogan is but I wouldn’t want to meet him in an alley.  They could name him Jesse Hogan after Jesse Ventura and he could run for governor of CA or MN in a few years.

Life has a way of coming around in a complete circle of love and happiness.

Kim Kardashian, who, I mean what has she done?

I don’t care. I really don’t care. Did you not see the photos posted? Are you really going to ask me that question? Apparently she has broken it off with Reggie Bush so she is now back on the market. I guess you can say she made her mark in life by hanging out with Paris Hilton or her now famous sex tape which everyone in her generation seems to be making. Is it just the in thing to do to make a sex tape? I guess if I were in my twenties maybe but I don’t really have any desire to see myself on video. haha, probably nobody else does either but Kim seems to be another story.

She will be releasing a movie “Disaster Movie” sometime this year. Not sure when it is coming out but if you have a strong desire to see her you can tune in to the much touted reality series “Keeping up with the Kardashians”. I have to admit of hearing about the show but having no idea who she was before I did some research this morning. It wasn’t that hard to find some revealing photos of her. She does seem to enjoy flouting her ass…..ets in public. I guess that is just what sells the package.

Maybe now that Apple is opening up its software to the NC17 developers we can all watch Kim on our iPhone? Nothing like looking at a beautiful women while texting your wife…..I mean while texting, you horny dogs you. I wonder since she has now broken up with Reggie if she will turn to Michael Vick. He is out and about looking for a job. Some have it rumored he is heading to New England. I wonder if they have dogs in that state. Being an owner of two I might lock mine up if he ever came over for dinner. Who knows what would happen if he didn’t like the TV selection and started getting bored? I would hate to see him force my Chihuahua and Lab to duke it out. I think the Chihuahua would win. He is a little shit.

Since the Bachelorette has picked Mr. Ed (No not the talking horse) and the show will be doing a new run maybe we should nominate Kim. My girlfriend loves the show so I admit to seeing a couple of episodes and the kissing/sex seemed rampant. Kim is all for sex on TV so she would have no problem taking the show to a whole new level. Are they showing porn on prime time now? No wonder this generation is so into sex and video. You can watch it on TV almost every night on any major network. Every time I tune into True Blood I see an orgy and the show is supposed to be about Vampires. What the hell is up with that?

How about Kim as a vampire doing the Bachelorette? Not doing the Bachelorette (although that would be nice as well) but starring in the show. Get your head out of your ass for God’s sake. Now that would be a reality series.

Who can you trust?

I find it ironic who you can or cannot trust in any environment. The innocent co-worker, who smiles at you, engages you in conversations and at times will even instigate discussions in areas that are not always appropriate in the work environment. You would think you could trust them right? What about the male co-worker who you invite out for drinks? He might have a few too many but it the end it doesn’t matter right? Or does it? If he happens to be somebody who talks out of both sides of his mouth how would you know the difference until one day you find yourself in a position that you were not expecting.

The hypocrisy is interesting. People are very self serving. Do we enjoy watching others flounder in angst so much that given any opportunity we kick them just for the fun of it? Are we so enamored with the demise of our fellow man that we pause on the street just to watch somebody being pried from a crumpled car in the hopes of catching the mangled body? I have long known that corporations are inhuman. They are corporations so it goes without saying right but humans are human aren’t they? Who makes the decisions in corporations but fellow humans?

I think it stems from mediocrity. Somebody just might not understand what their job is. Somebody else might simply not comprehend what is the real difference between right and wrong. Has anyone ever been in a situation where you simply tried to do what was right and felt sandwiched between battling groups who cared nothing for what really happened. What is discrimination in the work force anymore? How do we define the difference between going for a drink and having fun with a fellow employee and feeling like big brother is watching? Big Brother might be sitting in the seat right next to you. You buy her a drink and the second she feels any sort of weakness she will turn on you instantly. Don’t worry though she will still be smiling at you when she sees you in the hall. She will still say hello, pretending like nothing really occurred.

At my age one might think that I would have learned by now, but I guess in the end I always want to see the best in people. I feel that deep down people are still decent and good hearted. The guy down the hall is somebody you should be able to enjoy having a beer with. Just be a little careful because when you are not looking the guy down the hall and the girl in the cube next to you will smile openly as they insert that knife ever so carefully in your back. They might not enjoy the twisting of the blade completely but they will do it none-the-less if it means watching somebody go down in flames.

Ahhh, the joy of life at work. I might ask if you want to go out and have a beer but I don’t do that anymore. Well, for now anyway. I am sure my disdain for socializing will not last forever. I just wonder if when it returns will all of the good and decent people be gone. From RIF’s to firings to people just quitting the workforce seems to be changing faster than one can keep up with.

The simplicity of life. Just when you thought you were out they suck you back in.