When do things go too far?

What is our limit?  Do we have a limit?  Is it ok for Tony Romo to Ban Jessica Simpson from his home?  If they are broken up it seems legitimate.  Is it ok for him to post a sign stating that Jessica Simpson is not welcome in his home?  Well, that might be pushing a boundary or two it seems.  What is our limit in the world today?  We hear about the cost of obesity reaching $147 Billion a year.  Does it matter?  Can the government really tell us what to do?  Eating a dessert here and there should be my business right?  Well, the government tells me I have to wear a helmet when I drive a motorcycle.  Is that hurting anyone?  No, the biggest reason for that law is the cost of healthcare.

Do we see a correlation?  Where do we draw the line?  K-Fed is finally making the news for more than being the former spouse of Brittney Spears.  It seems that Mr. Kevin Federline has grown a little and is now being touted as the next reality star of a losing weight TV show.  Is that crossing a line?  Haven’t we all overindulged to a certain extent?  It is pretty common knowledge that Mischa Barton is a drug addict and has some serious mental issues.  She is getting out of her treatment center but it seems the biggest concern is getting her back to work, not seeing if she is healthy.  Is somebody in the limelight better off taking a break and finding another career if she has proven that she can’t handle the pressure?  Do we care?

It seems we are becoming so self centered that our society sues first and asks questions later.  I love the article on the Horizon Group Management Group.  They are suing a former tenant for posting on her Twitter account”…Who said sleeping in a moldy apartment was bad for you? Horizon realty thinks it’s okay.”  She is followed by 20 people.  Posting this message on Twitter for 20 people to read has sullied The Horizon Group’s reputation?  One of the family members who run The Horizon Group actually said “We’re a sue first, ask questions later kind of an organization”.  Are you kidding me?

It almost makes you want to throw in the towel and give up.  Companies have evolved to caring very little about employees, health care costs are through the roof, unemployment is rising, CA can’t pay its bills and now to top it off it has been proven that Sun Beds can cause cancer.  Yes, you heard it here.  The recent study has shown that the frequent use of sun beds increases the chances of you catching Melanoma.  We should have probably know that anyway but just in case.  I wonder if Kim Kardashian uses a sun bed.  That skin of hers is awesome.  Can we ask her?  Now that she has some free time maybe we can get her on board as a spokesman?

If anyone knows how to contact her let me know.  So far I have not had any takers in our offers to be the Journalstone Front Woman.

The good news is you can always count on your fellow employees.  I can’t imagine working in an environment where somebody would spread false accusations about you with no basis or facts.  It would make it even worse if they raised their concerns to the senior VP’s of a company.  If people can sue over a Twitter remark can you sue your employer for disparaging your reputation without facts or a basis?  Seems like you should be able to.  Maybe today when I go to divorce court I will ask my attorney the hypothetical question and see what he says.

Ah, the joys of life.

Porn Star Blues (Jazella Moore)

(Anabela Mota Janke) You can be a lot of things in life. Your vision of a career can take all kinds of twists and turns. Who knows how many different occupations you might try before landing in the field that you love? In Fort Myers Beach Florida there is just one rule. Don’t work for the city and marry a porn star. Scott Janke broke that rule. He is the city manager and he was seemingly unaware that the city council was tolerant in many things but they draw the line at having first hand contact with somebody in the porn industry.

I am sure if you go to their closets they have porn. My guess is if you asked the mayor Larry Kiker he has seen porn. He has probably even pleasured himself while watching porn. This is all just speculation. I don’t know anything for sure but my assumption is based solely on the fact of knowing old men. They love keeping things locked away in a closet somewhere but God forbid that anyone ever found out what their true fetishes are. I would normally throw in a Catholic joke here but my kindergarten teacher (who is Catholic) has questioned my reasoning on the constant berating of her religion.

I am not berating her religion but religion in general. Hmmmm, is that worse or better? Jesus, I don’t know. Not slamming the name of Jesus in the last sentence but was really asking Jesus. OK, I digress. What is up with porn? We all skirt around the edges, everyone has seen it at some point in life. Prostitution is the oldest profession for some reason right. I am not condoning anything or condemning I am just saying. Why are there thousands of porn movies made each year. Who watches this crap? Why are porn movies on every pay per view TV in every hotel in America. Is it for the sole reason that men are scared to watch it at home but can’t wait to see it once they are away from their comfy confines of the idealic fantasy we call the suburbs.

Do we really think it is only men. Why do women wear skirts that are barley covering their ass? When was the halter top invented? Who invented those shirts that have a little bra built in just so women don’t have to wear bras? Why are swimsuits the size of dental floss? Has anyone seen the underwear being sold in Target or Wal-Mart. They still have the granny panties for sure but holy shit, it is difficult finding a hanger that you can fasten that little piece of string to.

We as a society seem to love our porn but we just don’t want it coming too close to home. We like the thoughts of being bad but we don’t want anyone believing that we are bad. Are we such a contradiction that we have to fire a man for marrying somebody who is in the porn industry. Are we such hypocrites that we refuse to allow people to marry people of the same sex. You want to know why I slam religion? Do you want to know why I continually bash the Catholic institution? Fine, be careful what you ask for.

I bash religion in general and the Catholic political regime because they judge us. We are judged if we watch porn, we are judged if we are gay, we are judged if we believe in anything that might not conform to some antiquated set of rules that a Priest sitting 10 stories above reality might dictate on a whim that we should follow. I slam the hypocrisy because these same people sit at home in the darkness of their bedroom and watch shit that might make you freak out. I am not saying there are not good people in these organizations I am saying that if I want to have an abortion it should be my decision (again I am not pro or con) just let me decide.

Stop telling me what to do. If I am NOT stealing, or killing my neighbor or bombing the world trade center then get the hell off my back. Don’t point fingers at me. There is one person that has to answer for my actions and that is me. You have no right and I can guarantee you have no substance or ability to judge me.

Give this man back his job, shut the hell up. Let’s all live in tolerance of each other and then I will stop bashing the religious factions. They care nothing about me as a person but have one main goal and that is taking my money, hiring attorneys and then telling me what I can or can’t do.

Peace and love to all.

Erin Andrews (YouTube here we go)

Have we really sunk so low that we will condone drilling a hole in a hotel wall and videotaping a smoking hot statuesque blonde celebrity just to see her naked. Are we taking masturbation to a new level? Is self indulgence so important that we can’t even figure out what is no longer a grey area but all the fucking way over to the dark side that we might as well go to hell right now? Let’s buy our tickets, dig a hole and jump down into the fiery abyss so we no longer have to pretend to be anything other than the lowly peeping toms that we are.

Now we have all watched the Porky’s shower scene and who doesn’t remember Animal House. Well, if you don’t remember Animal House then to hell with you right now. Drilling the hole in the shower for a quick peak as an adolescent seems like it would be ok right? What about a shower scene. I am not sure I see anything wrong with taking a peek at somebody in the shower. Just a quick look mind you. I won’t gawk or stare. Well, maybe stare for a while but I won’t gawk damn it. I am not Catholic. Actually, maybe I am Catholic or I want to be Catholic which is why I keep referencing Catholics. How does one become a Catholic? Is it like being Jewish? Do I have to be born a Catholic or can I just ask for the honor, assuming I am not Catholic which I still am questioning.

Anyway, what is right and wrong? Is it bad to take a quick look? What about young boys everywhere whose entire lives are all about copping a feel, or getting to see a real live breast. Anyone who has ever been a boy knows that we all do it. We all attempt to see nude women wherever and whenever possible in our prepubescent age. At what age does it turn into pervasion? Is it 20, 30 40 or does it go on forever. Is there a time where it turns into perversion and then reverts back? How many times do we talk about the dirty old man? We think he is harmless right. All he wants to do is relive his youth and take a quick look.

I am not condoning drilling a hole in a hotel room and videotaping a naked lady mind you. I am just saying that women in general need to be patient with the male species. We are not that bright, we think about sex all the time and most of the pathetic husbands out there whack off more than they have sex with their spouse. If we want to bring the balance back into life then let’s do a little dance, make a little love, just get down tonight.

Damn, I should make that into a song or something. Hmmmm, if I am that musical then maybe I am not Catholic. Don’t the Jehovah Witness do the dance thing? Or is that the Jacksons. I am getting the entire religious thing completely confused.

Apologies to Rachel McAdams

I wrote a blog “Emma Watson (Obsessed with her Underwear) and in that blog I listed a poll entitled “Who would you like to have 30 minutes in the closet with”. Sadly I did not list Rachel McAdams and that was a gross oversight. Is there anyone out there that can say Rachel is not smoking hot? I mean please people. If you don’t think this girl is gorgeous then you have lost whatever sliver you had of a mind. Insanity has engulfed you. You have fallen into the abyss and you will never return. One could almost list you as crazy as Jon Gosselin who is now apparently engaged to his new twenty two year old girlfriend. It must have been a very long time since he got any for him to commit so quickly.

Was he so thankful after their first night together that his mind went bye bye? What in the hell did Kate do to this guy? The next thing you know Robert Redford will be getting married. Holy shit, wait a minute. He did get married so maybe the rumor is true. Who am I to say really? I believe in love at first sight so call me crazy as well. I just don’t think I could fall for somebody who was 22. Seems a little young to be raising eight kids. Will she be included in the show when it resumes this fall? The only woman I know crazier that Kate is Hillary Clinton. I don’t really have anything to say. I just truly believe that she is insane.

She is packing on the weight lately though. She probably gets tips from Renee Zellweger who is back to bulking up for the third round of Bridgett Jones’ diary. How many diaries did that crazy fat lady write anyway? There are only so many times she can have relationship problems? If we could get John Mayer and Tony Romo in the movie that could have their big brawl on the wide screen. My vote is for Tony I think he would kick John’s ass. Apparently he got fed up with Jessica’s ongoing relationship with the singer and dumped her. Are they really fighting over Jessica Simpson? Didn’t I see a picture of her packing on the country pounds? Not that there is anything wrong with that. hmmmm, wait a minute. Don’t I only have to say that when I insult gay people? What can I use when I insult the rotund?

Maybe if we had a gay, Catholic, overweight, minority person I could get all my punches in one fell swoop and get over myself. Miley Cyrus is going to play a fairy so why can’t I? OK, before all of you gay, catholic, overweight minority people start yelling at me I have no prejudices. I have issues granted. Big issues. Huge issues but I have no prejudices. I hate everyone equally so doesn’t that in a sense make me better than everyone else. I didn’t say you had to follow or understand the logic.

I do want to apologize to Rachel. Not only should she have been in the poll if she were she should have won. Except for my girlfriend. I voted for her. She won’t allow me to post any pictures of her but if she did she would beat out everyone hands down.

Is there anyone else I have to apologize to? If so then please accept my asdl;fkajdsf;lakjdsf;lk. Good luck.

Rachel McAdams totally Exposed

Rachel McAdams has been around for a while. I sometimes forget how many pictures or TV she has been in for her short tenure as an actress. Starting out as a mean girl and being in such fantastic movies as “The Wedding Crashers”, “The Notebook” and “The Family Stone” has vaulted her into the mainstream where she will hopefully thrive. She is fast becoming my favorite actress and I can’t wait to see her new movie coming out in a month “The Time Travelers Wife”. If she holds true with her track record it will be a nice success. With my history of enjoying a touching romantic comedy holding intact, I loved “The Notebook” and rank it as one of my all-time favorites probably coming in a close second only to “PS I Love You”. Nothing can be that one in my book.

I find it is healthy to enjoy a wide variety of genres in watching any form of entertainment. I guess this is why I get concerned when people accuse me of being discriminatory in my writing. I thoroughly try to offend everyone equally. Discriminatory would be canceling all the minority passes to a swim club based on nothing more than ethnic backgrounds. I don’t even live in Philadelphia but I know that is wrong. I wouldn’t ever condone or think of stamping ok to that. What a fiasco. Who are these people that think discrimination is an acceptable practice. If it were me I would have canceled the entire swim club. Those damn kids should be working not swimming and having fun. It doesn’t matter what race or ethnicity they are.

OK, if I am to be honest. My kids do little to no work. I worked most of my childhood and I attempt to ensure that all kids in all walks of life no matter what their background is enjoy the short time they have to be young. God only knows that when you mature your life goes to hell and those long summer vacations are as delayed as the space shuttle. Come on guys. Give that thing a push and get it off the ground. We of course don’t want to jeopardize lives though. I will never forget watching the shuttle explode while I was in college. It is a dramatic event that will always be burned into my memory bank.

Anyway, back to Rachel. I admit I am most likely partial to her because my girlfriend looks so much like her in my mind, or she looks so much like my girlfriend. I haven’t written about the one and only true woman of my dreams in a couple of weeks and need to throw a line in here to continue and always remember how lucky I am having such an incredibly beautiful woman at my side. I am not sure what rock she found me under but I am truly the blessed one having such an incredible partner.

While I have done several pieces on actresses lately I will go on the record as stating Rachel is my favorite. If there is a fan club out there for her somebody let me know so I can join. If there isn’t then my vote is let’s start one. She is flat out smoking hot.

Anyone with me?

Texting Teen falls down Manhole

I was reading earlier on the Fox News site about a texting teen who fell down an NYC manhole. That is too damn funny. Our society is so self absorbed now a days it is only a matter of time before we stop talking directly on any occasion. My daughter spends no time talking to her friends when they are around but instead her and her friends spend all their time texting other people who are not with them. Is everything more exciting than what you are currently doing? Have we reached the epitome of the grass is always being greener on the other side? The best part of the article was the “you might be interested in these” section at the bottom.

You know how at the bottom of every article there are teasers to get you to click through to other parts of a website. Fox News had this for reference. “People who read this also read” and then the articles were “Cab Driver beheads self in Bizarre Suicide”, “Body found in Manhattan High Rise Where cleaning Woman Vanished”, “Boston Zoo may close and Euthanize Hundreds of Animals”, “Florida Boy 12, Remains Jailed in 5-week old Cousins Death”. Jesus, are you kidding me. The people who like to read about a texting teen falling down a manhole are one sick group. All they seem to like is death and murder. Were they hoping that the teen died when she fell?

I personally clicked on the article because I have a teen and every time she holds up her phone the world stops as she knows it. She gets so absorbed in her messages of which she has several going on at all times, she can’t navigate to the living room. I can see her falling straight down a manhole and it is too funny. It is always fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Favorite saying of mine. Anyway it is interesting have differing views on life. Just ask my latest heckler. She really took offense to my Peeing in Bed blog. I am not sure if she got offended from the idea of a dog peeing in bed (just for the record it grosses me out) or my frequent reference to Catholics depicting the group in a derogatory way.

Just for the record my girlfriend is Catholic and while I don’t personally have anything against them they are a large group and lets be serious are easy to make fun of. I will just as readily make fun of Baptists, Methodists, Jews, Protestants, Jehovah’s Witnesses and any other religious group. I am not against spirituality mind you. I actually consider myself spiritual. I am against organized religion as I have never met a group that was more money hungry and out to scam people than the organized church. They are always holding their hand out for a donation and where in the hell does the money go. No pun intended. I am sure it doesn’t go to hell.

Still, how many documented criminal acts do we have to see from TV evangelists to know that they are no better than politicians. They want our money so they can drive around in limousines and live in mansions. I am all for charities but like charities just remember you have to pick any organization very carefully. Most are simply looking out for themselves and care nothing in the end for anyone else. I remember when I was young and our church elders were all jailed for stealing money from a group of elderly people who ended up losing millions of dollars. The whole process makes me sick.

Anyway, I digress. I like and dislike all religions equally. I think everyone has their pros and cons. If you Catholics take offense to my writing then all I can say is stop making it so easy to be made fun of. Tell your priests to live their things in their pants and stay away from altar boys and stop with the smacking of hands from all the those crazy nuns. Just live and let live is my motto. Now, as I was reprimanded for writing pointless blogs you should learn this lesson from the above.

Shit, now you made me forget what in the hell I was saying. If you are Catholic, ok let’s pick somebody else. If you are Methodist then for God’s sake don’t text and walk at the same time if you are under the age of 20. The rest of you take a flying leap down a manhole and when you get down there tell us what you see. I have never been in a man’s hole and don’t anticipate doing so any time in the future. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It just isn’t my thing. I prefer making fun of Catholic people in my spare time. Shit did it again. Ok, how about those Jewish people. Didn’t somebody say they had big noses one time?

What was I thinking

I just realized I wrote an entire blog and I failed to mention that the Statue of Liberty has opened her crown. I want to apologize right now for the oversight. Any time a woman opens her crown after having it closed for so long should garner public recognition. A crown opening is something that should be commemorated, celebrated, jubilated with shouts from here to there and shining sea to sea and shit like that.

The only thing I ask is don’t have the Disney staff try and drive their train through the crown. OMG, I really do make myself laugh. Does anyone get these references or do I have to keep pointing them out. Apparently in a loss of senses the monorails crossed streams so to say and crashed their trains head on where one person even died. Didn’t they take note from the Fort Worth police? Crossing swords is not acceptable in bars in and around the Texas area. If you are going to cross swords do it in the safety and pleasurable atmosphere of a Wal-Mart supercenter. I love the word supercenter. Can we use the word crown and supercenter in the same sentence with crossing streams?

I can’t come up with anything so if you think of something let me know. Jesus people it is crown and supercenter. Doesn’t anyone get this?

Did I miss any relevant headlines in the last two blogs? I think I covered it all now. Oh wait, for everyone who didn’t know Michael Jackson has died. I swear it is true. As shocking as it is we will now be forced to watch a musical tribute from anyone who is striving to make a dollar from his death? Can’t we just get all of the Madonna’s of the world together and do one tribute. Is everyone rushing to cash in on Michael one last time because we care more about stuffing our own pockets than remembering the tortured start for what he was? A musical genius who unfortunately was troubled beyond what any will most likely ever truly know.

Yes and for one last blurb. Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas. See I told you I would mention them again.

hahaha shut the hell up. You know you love it.

Sex, Love and Death

Hey, that is not the saying I remember. Whatever happened to Sex, Love and Rock and Roll? Did the death of Michael Jackson stun the world into mixing up the word choice or is the disgusting turn of the Harry Potter series into the Sexual Potter series thwarting our sense of reality. Don’t get me wrong. As I have previously pointed out Emma Watson is looking hot at 19 but it just seems wrong to write the words Emma Watson and hot in the same sentence. It reminds me of when Alyssa Milano first grew up and flashed some racy scenes in one of her movies trying to shed her little girl image. Just give it time Emma; life will catch up to you soon enough.

While Emma apparently felt it was disgusting doing her in scene make-out session saying it made her feel incestual some love issues go one step further. Just ask Steve Mcnair who was apparently shot to death by his lover, Sahel Kazemi who then shot herself. Maybe he had enough Indian food and was ready to get Chinese takeout. I guess we will never know but damn wasn’t the guy only 36 or something. Seems so young and final to get shot for partaking of a little roti bread. Ah, I really am getting sadistic in my old age. At least you can read about it on the famous TMZ website. For a while there I thought it had turned into the Michael only website. Who would have thought the initials stood for Totally Michael Zoomology? I think they might be losing sight of reality.

If you want a little dose of reality go to Fort Worth Texas. Not only do the police go to bars looking for drunk people. At least you can’t say they are stupid. If you are looking for assholes that are drunk you are most likely going to find them in a bar. They picked a gay bar “Rainbow Lounge” and commenced to beating them up. I don’t get it. If you have an issue against gay people (not that there’s anything wrong with that) why go to a gay bar to begin with. Maybe the underlying problem here is that several of the Fort Worth police force are still in the closet and when the felt a stirring in the other regions they couldn’t come to grips with their feelings and lashed out in anger.

Get it. The police couldn’t come to GRIPS with their feelings. Maybe if they would have just used their hands for pleasure instead of anger the night would have been like a reunion of the Village People. Can’t we all just get along? Really, I am asking.

So what do Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas have to do with all of the above you might ask? Jesus Christ, nothing. I just love posting their pictures so I throw them into any article I can lately. Just shut the hell up and enjoy. If you want to whine about it all day then quit reading the damn blog. If you are having trouble quitting ask Sarah Palin how it works. She is stepping down from her post as Mayor of the Alaskan oil pipeline and moving on to national politics. Can we possibly assume that McCain was having sex with her and was forced to thrust her into the limelight? I hope he gets his just reward for inflicting our good nation with Palin.

Isn’t there a good allergy medicine we can take to rid ourselves of her once and for all? Hmmmm, wait a minute that is pollen. Well shit close enough.

Emma Watson is all Grown Up

“Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince” is coming soon to a theatre near you and from the trailer it seems that there will be a little more love injected into the series. Apparently a box of love-potion laced chocolates gets passed around the school and everyone starts heating up in the classrooms. Sounds like the making of a porno but alas no it is simply watching our little wizards grow up. Damn, now that sounds nasty again as well. Ok, let me try this one more time. As everyone begins to worry about Lord Voldemort’s return they start rubbing their wands and well….. Ok, I am apparently not good at keeping things appropriate so stop reading now.

What about Emma Watson speaking of appropriate. According to rumors she was enhanced on some publicity posters and seems to have bumped up her presence to attract the young male crowd. Wasn’t it not long ago when she was just a little girl running around zapping frogs and shit with her wand? Now she is a 19 year old young lady showing off her new found body for all to see. I guess it is normal. Have we all forgotten what college was like? Did anyone wear clothes back then? I guess the only difference with Emma is living her life in public and as the public has lots of eyes she is bound to be seen now and then doing a little mischievous activities. Anyone who was a kid has done the same or worse.

I was probably on the worse side so don’t throw stones at the glass unless you are standing far enough away that nobody can see you. Does anyone want to take bets on when the first Emma sex tape scandal will hit the airwaves? That seems to be the in thing in today’s up and coming crowd as they all go through it. I for one do not want to see myself having sex. There are some things that should just be kept off the screen.

Well, as with the world population I am excitedly awaiting the July 15th premier of Harry Potter. Only two more weeks away.

Please don’t hold me accountable for the authenticity of the pictures. I just found them.

Stop Smoking and Die

This seems to be the message that two anti smoking drugs are throwing at the public. Apparently Chantix and Zyban not only have the ability to help you quit smoking they also make you coo coo for coco puffs. This might lead you to off yourself as people who take these two popular drugs are showing an increase in suicides and or attempted suicides. While nobody can say for sure it is the drugs fault, the FDA has insisted that there be a warning saying that suicide might be a possibility if you take this drug. In a great statement the FDA stated that they in no way want patients to be scared away from taking these drugs. They just want you to watch out for any sort of wackiness if you are on them.

Maybe the FDA feels that in the end they win either way. If you stop smoking from taking the drug then the smoker ratio decreases and well if you jump off the Golden Gate Bridge then the smoker ratio decreases as well. Either way the drug has worked and you have stopped smoking so we all win right? Maybe they should put that right in the ad campaign. “Stop smoking or die or well stop smoking and die, either way our drug works.” Simple, to the point and it could be guaranteed. Let’s list some other campaign slogans that might be just as affective or at least appropriate.

Yemenia Airlines, “We get you to your destination or we don’t” “Swimming lessons are mandatory on our Airlines”.

How about Mississippi. “We are big, getting bigger and damn it we dont’ give a damn” 5th year in a row they have topped the obesity survey in the United States. That is a better run than Sanford has at banging Latin American chicks.

Sarah Palin running for office. “Postpartum Depression, I can outrun it and if I slip and fall well shit. What was the question again?”

Burmese Pythons living in Florida. “We eat rabbits, mice, rats and well two year old babies if you leave us alone”. What in the hell are parents thinking having a pet python in the same house as a baby. Everyone knows they eat little people right.

Jose Manuel Zelaya. “Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree if you still want me”

Shit, I could do this stuff all damn night but alas time does not permit.

Bottom line is you should take a Yemenian flight to Honduras while traveling with a snake and eating some Mississippi burgers while grabbing Sarah in the knockers. She is the sexiest republican politician I have heard. Odds are you won’t make it there alive and if you do be careful where you sleep. You might get a one way ticket out of the country.