Divorce OMG, I thought it was over?
The funny thing is, with kids the interaction with your ex wife never ends. It just keeps going and going and going and going and what the hell? Today was my day to pick up the kids. I left at a little after 5 PM and headed over. Normally the traffic is a little heavy on Fridays and God forbid I would be late. So I cranked the radio up, turned on the air and pushed down on the gas. Unfortunately I pushed down a little too hard and I got there about 30 minutes too early. My ex was not there but the three girls were so I talked to them for a bit. My little one wanted to show me her room.
I thought it was harmless but must admit I am always frightened to enter the ex’s house. She scares the living shit out of me. So I tentatively walked inside, took a peak at everyone’s room and then ran right back out. I was excited for the girls. The house is in complete disarray but they are just now moving in. I think when it is finished it will work out great for them. The location is also fantastic. It is near the ocean a block away from my ex’s sister’s house and the cousins and close to school. It is really a perfect location. The neighborhood is flat as well. An anomaly on the coast. This will let the kids actually play outside.
I couldn’t help but think it was a great move. Since my ex was not there we loaded up the car and seeing how it was still early I asked them if they would like to drive to the old house and say goodbye to their mom. They all agreed so the oldest called her mom and told her the plan. Holy Shit. That is when hell became reality. She started screaming through the phone how it was not 6 and our agreement was 6 and there was no way that I should be picking them up. I responded by simply saying “Jesus Christ”, “Are you insane”. I thought it was a legitimate question.
Just so I get the facts straight. I was 20 minutes early, driving the kids to her so she could say goodbye and was saying sorry for traffic being light letting me arrive early. That was still not enough. Now she copied my attorney, is threatening to not sign the paperwork and is going to tell the judge I wrote in an e-mail that she is insane. It is true on both parts. I wrote it and she is coo coo. I mean I was 20 minutes early for Christ sake.
My attorney wrote back and snickered at the entire exchange. I think he gets a kick out of making money and getting to enjoy such an entertaining exchange at the same time. It is like getting paid to watch crazy people make fools of themselves.
So in the end I drove the kids back to their new house. She was still not there. We parked on the street until the clock struck 6:03 and then we headed out. She never did show up. What the hell is wrong with her? Is there something in the salt water that sucks the sanity out of all living people?
I now realize that no matter what, it will never be over. I can only hope that next week I am not late by 10 minutes. If she freaked out about me being early she might kill me for being late. I mean seriously. She might kill me. I am scared shitless here people.
I can’t be late.
Ever.
Please God help me never be late.
Please.
I of course can’t be early either. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Is Jude Law Mormon?
I am just asking a simple question. Everyone gets so bent out of shape when you just ask the simplest things. If you have been living under a rock then maybe you didn’t know that Jude is having another baby. What is this about 14? Ah, no this will only be number four and it is with Samantha Burke. Her mom is a massage therapist. OK, nothing against massage therapists. I love them and I am serious. Especially in those little off the road Asian places where they have showers and everyone is walking around naked. hmmmm, what were we talking about again. Should we really feel that bad for Jude? I mean he had to have known he was rolling the dice right.
Surprisingly and I do mean I am surprised the Burke family is asking for some money in a suit filed against Mr. Law. They will be wanting child support to the tune of a small fortune a month to care for the precious little buddle. I will give Samantha this. She is gorgeous and was apparently terrified to tell Mr. Law that he was the father. Maybe she wasn’t sure who the father was or maybe he is just crazy. Hell, I don’t have any idea. The only thing I can speculate on is maybe he is Mormon. They believe in multiple wives and no birth control right? Don’t the Mormons believe in just popping kids out right and left and abortion is the same as letting Michael Vick watch your dogs. I know I am going to get crucified (no pun intended) for saying this but don’t those Catholics believe in the natural way of things as well.
How many religions are against birth control by the way? I am not really sure. Isn’t the point of birth control to keep unwanted babies out of the world? I have kids and I love them to death but it is difficult raising them. I can’t imagine if I had not wanted them to begin with. Those little devils are beautiful but still, they are little devils. I bet Jude believes in birth control now, even if he didn’t back then. I personally don’t get it. How does that guy on Big Love do it with three wives and a few lovers on the side here and there? I have one girlfriend and she is more than enough for me. I couldn’t handle anymore.
Would you have three people telling you to take the garbage out? In the end we can only hope that Jude had a good time. The baby will be born and hopefully it will be raised in a loving massaganist home. I wonder if they will end up being multi generational massage therapists living together. Would it bring a different spin to family massages? Is there even such a thing as family massages? I wonder if they could team up with Kevin Federline and his new reality show. He looks like he is pregnant and Samantha Burke is pregnant. They could do a show about how it feels to look pregnant if you are and if you aren’t.
Hey, that is a catchy title. “Looking pregnant even if your aren’t.”
Taking a Walk
The last couple of days a co-worker and I have taken a walk at lunch. We walk about a mile plus to a restaurant have lunch and then walk back. Taking a walk before and or after lunch is fantastic. I have been touting riding my bike to work since I began that process and how amazing that is as well. I think just getting out in the sunshine is incredible. Breathing the fresh air, taking in the outdoors. The stuffy confines of regurgitated air can get to you at times. During our lunch to the chagrin of my friend we and two others talked about running marathons. He ran the SF Marathon last weekend. He only ran the half but still that is quite an accomplishment in my book.
I hate running. Mostly because I just can’t do it. Even the thought of running has me breaking out in hives. I like biking, I like walking, swimming, picnics and a cool summer breeze. ……………….. Sorry about that. I almost fell into a Hallmark card. Anyway, the discussion came up again about marathon runners and the issues that they face. Everyone knows that your body was not pieced together to endure things that we put our bodies through. The thing that makes athletes great is when they accomplish something that is amazing. Just running a marathon is amazing in my books but……………….If I didn’t hate running to begin with I think I definitely would after I started hearing the side effects.
Apparently it is common for marathon runners to get the runs when they are running. They just lose control of their bowels and it comes out everywhere. There have been some fairly big named runners who have stopped in the middle or toward the end of a race and simply dropped their pants and taken a shit right in front of the crowd. In Boston where the race begins there were all kinds of write ups about the neighborhood and what the people did to keep people off their lawn. High powered squirt guns, cameras, water hoses etc. were used to keep people from squatting as the race was beginning and dumping anywhere and everywhere they could.
If you simply look-up on marathons and shit you get the famous picture from a couple of years ago where the British marathon runner lost it in a race and refused to stop. He just kept running with the stuff all over his legs. I won’t even post it. It is too damn disgusting.
I am not condemning running or running marathons I am just surprised to be finding this out now. I had no idea that people would get so focused on beating a time that relieving yourself became secondary. I personally feel that no matter what sport I take up I will always take the time to shit in a toilet but that is just me. We all remember Paula Radcliff right. Peeing toward the end of her race right on the track.
I have pretty limited experience in this area so if anyone has any first hand knowledge let me know. My friend said that in the SF Marathon a couple of Kenyans bumped each other and lost their bowels right in the race but I don’t have any proof of this. If you were there or have a picture send it in. duncanmoron@journalstone.com
I think for now I will stick to my bike and maybe a walk at lunch while working. If you are a runner tell me what the facts are. This phenomenon has me a curious. Below is the link to the picture I was referring but again click on it at your own risk.
