My First Time (For Real)

My friend Dirk Moron wrote a blog and he titled it “my first time”. He is a little slow I believe and although he wrote about his first time blogging and what the experience was like he had no idea what his title had people believing the blog was about. I was amazed at how many clicks the blog generated by just those three words. Let’s be serious are people really interested in a recanting of my first time and what the experience might have held. Well remember people you asked for it so here it goes.

My First Time.

My father owned a black Cadillac with grey leather seats. It was a two door and I have no idea what model it was but I remember the Cadillac designation. I was at the time dating a girl who was two years younger than myself (I was a junior I think) but she was vastly more experienced than I was at the time. I really had no clue as to what was going on. I wish I could say I remember her vividly and she still held a spot in my thoughts as the first person that I was hmmmmm with, but I can’t. If I am honest I can’t even remember her name. Now in my defense I have an issue with names. I one time saw this couple in Home Depot that I have known for several years and surprisingly my mind went blank and I had no idea who they were. Can you say too much of a good thing in my college years might have been detrimental to my mental capacity?

Anyway, I digress. I do remember certain aspects of my friend at the time. She had brown hair with a hint of reddishness to it. She had braces at the time (isn’t it interesting that I remember that) and she was tiny. I am guessing now but let’s estimate around 5 foot and possible 90 pounds. Keeping things in perspective I was probably five ten and possibly weighed in at a buck thirty. Wow, how skinny was I back then. I think my right leg must weigh that currently. OK, exaggerating again.

We were sitting in the parking lot outside of the roller rink (can’t remember the name) and I believe that we were supposed to be inside skating. I have three daughters now and believe me I will never let them go to a skating rink as long as I live. One thing led to another and uhuh, you get the idea. I wonder how many first time experiences actually happen in a car. As an adult when you think back on life it just takes some of the romance out of it, or maybe if we as adults were more spontaneous and took a few car trips now and then there might be substantially less divorces. Who can say but again I digress.

I know everyone is dying for details. Anyone who has read my writing knows that I can vividly describe activities leaving little to the imagination but alas I can’t say anymore than I have. While I can’t remember her name I will always remember her. It was a passage into manhood and a wonderful gift. My only worry as a father is hoping to god not to have to find out anything like this from my daughters. ahhhhhhh, Having three girls I get so scared to death at times. Please God save me now. Being a guy and knowing guys it just plain freaks me out, word. I keep adding in “word” now and then for a friend of mine who reads these and makes fun of my juvenile language, word.

OK, I am on a poll kick lately so let’s see if anyone is actually reading on a Sunday.

And as far as Mr. Dick (I mean Dirk) Moron goes. If you are going to write a blog then you really need to figure out how to make your content match the body. Not your body mind you. I have seen that and there is no title that I could place on that without feeling a little nauseous.

Relationship Status (When to Change)

I was on facebook recently (again). Ok, I am getting addicted to facebook I will admit. I like to write and it is great to talk with old friends so it has been a very time consuming habit to say the least. Two friends of mine (who are dating) did not have a status on their facebook and it got me to wondering. You might say wondering about how I can write several paragraphs about such a non consequential thing as the status button on facebook, no. I was wondering when it is appropriate to switch so shut the hell up and stop judging me.

Obviously if you are married then I would hope your status states married. If you are not married then………….. Let’s throw out some scenarios. If you have been dating for 10 years. OK, if you have been dating for ten years and you believe in marriage and you are not married then what the hell. You have issues that go far beyond the status of your trivial facebook page. Go to counseling and seek help. It is freaky.

Let’s jump ahead significantly and say 5 years. I think we have an affirmative absolutely on the answer. You should have a relationship designation and admit to the fact that you are taken at five years.

Let’s say two years. OK, again I would suggest that you need to fess up and say you are in a relationship at this timeframe as well. If you want to make it you need to commit. Anything less than two years gets dicey. Between 6 months and two years assuming you are not living together then I think we have a grey area. You can go either way. If she starts whining and insisting then you either give in or cut the cord and move on. Man, the nagging is only beginning, just wait until you are married.

Let’s say after one date. OMG, are you freakin kidding me. Now I would say you have some issues. Seek help quickly and watch out as she will be running for the door wondering why she ever went out with you in the first place. So it is official. Somewhere between 10 dates and 6 months with the 6 months to two years being grey. If she can’t live with that then block her from accessing your page and tell her it is private. There has to be boundaries in any relationship.

If you don’t believe me then let’s take a poll. Let me know your thoughts. The last poll I took I got two votes and one was mine so I personally feel I can dictate. This will be published guidelines so as the celebrities say “Get out and vote, Word”.

The views and comments associated with this article and poll are not necessarily the viewpoints of Journalstone and we cannot be held accountable for any and all violent actions that erupt from the instigation that might or might not be instigated by your spouse, significant other and or girl that you just happen to see lying next to you but have no idea what her name is.

Emotions (Are they overrated or worth the hassle)

Simple question.

How many people have you dated? Think back over the years. How many? Is it a lot? Is it a crazy large amount or is it just a few? I won’t give you my number but let’s just say it is more than a few. Now out of that number how many have you found it difficult to talk to. How many had your mind wandering making it impossible to keep a coherent thought. How many did you do all the goofy things that you see in movies but you personally have never done yourself. What the hell is wrong with men in general.

I get nervous in front of a crowd doing public speaking but everyone tells me that they can’t tell. I do presentations and facilitate meetings with our CEO, President and CFO. I am comfortable at parties, feel fine in court, can deal with most situations calmly (although I have been known to yell at my kids from time to time) and overall even when I am nervous I can handle it, without it affecting me. I don’t get jealous, I don’t play games, I don’t get flustered, I don’t panic and I can logically reason through most dilemmas. At this stage of life there is not much that I have not seen firsthand or at least have a working knowledge of in general.

So I ask the question. What in the hell is wrong with men? Is it possible that no matter who you are or how controlled you are that you might find one day something or somebody that throws all of that out of balance? If that happens how do you handle it? Do you stupidly act like a teenager and mumble incoherently? Do you struggle with piecing together a simple sentence trying to verbalize what you are thinking but you can’t get the words formulated in time to speak logically. Do you get jealous of ridiculous events at times when it makes no sense to even be jealous? Do you have no idea what is happening because you haven’t even felt that emotion, EVER? Do you run?
hahaha

I firmly believe that women are all powerful. They have the ability to control the simplicity of men with a flick of their fingers weaving a foggy web that we are incapable of understanding. Even if we could understand I am not sure that we want to. A simple flip of the hair, a hand touching our ear, a touch of our leg and apparently we lose the ability to think.

I ask only one thing of women in general. Ok, ask is not appropriate. I am begging women to please use this power sparingly. I personally had never before felt this power being wielded and it scares me a little. It is like facing the sun directly. It might burn our eyes if we are not properly prepared.

To all the men who have yet to feel this first hand, be prepared. It will happen one day when you least expect it and pray to the Gods that the she is a forgiving soul that will allow you to still keep your dignity intact. If not then hold on because the ride is not like the commercials for Disney Land.

These blogs are completely made up and in no way are a reference to my personal experiences or life. If asked directly I will not acknowledge what was written nor will I admit to anything verbally or in writing.

Knowing When to say No

Is there such a thing as a coincidence? Can chances happen with no instigation? Are there any random acts that don’t have a beginning middle and an end?

If you are on a date with somebody and things are going well. Conversation is moving along smoothly and you feel an attraction. Not purely physical but a genuine attraction. Not sure what in the hell that means but you get the point right. So that attraction is there and then something occurs that throws the evening into an oddity.

If you are sitting next to a girl and another guy asks her for her phone number what does that mean. One beer into the evening it might piss you off, two beers it might be annoying, three beers and it might be humorous but all in all it is what it is as guys will be guys right. What if the girl you are with freely gives up her phone number? Now that would change the picture correct.

As you go through life you reach a point where you feel as if you have come face to face with most situations at some point and experience gives you an edge. How many times have you seen the aging older athlete who still has physical skills best somebody younger and more talented for the simple reason he has been there before, done that. Then there are times where the oddity occurs and it throws you for a loop.

I admittedly have been in a situation before where I was on a date and a guy approached the girl I was with. It happens sometimes right. I had never been on a date where the girl acknowledged the advances and then…..wait for it……….. She actually gives him her number when he requests it. Well, I can now say that I have been in that situation so I guess I can move on. It was odd, a little uncomfortable and I still wouldn’t be able to tell you what it means. I think I know what it means but only time will tell.

What are your thoughts? If you were out with a guy or a girl or a ………. and somebody approached your date, asked for a phone number and they gave it out how would it make you feel. What would your reaction be?

Any thoughts?

Sorry for the tardy post today by the way. I was up late last night having a drink with my buddy Tom.

Thanks Tom

Proposition 8 (Death of Free Rights)

Yes, I live in CA. Yes I am now embarrassed to say that out loud. Constitution? Are you kidding me? Do we as a state have any idea what that might possibly even mean? Can we really dictate to a group of people how they can or cannot live their lives? To me this is about so much more than gay rights or who can marry who. This is about the majority getting together and condemning a group of people for no other reason than ignorance and intolerance of equality. How can people sleep at night knowing they are no better than any other group of fanatics that has condemned somebody for believing in something different than what they might view as correct?

Did not Jesus Christ enter into brothels and spread the word of Christianity. Who the hell cares that he was prosecuted for his tolerance. How many times have we heard about Catholic Priests abusing children and yet we don’t condemn the Catholic religion. Who hasn’t heard a Catholic joke right? Where in the hell do you think the jokes originate. The same people that are sitting at home and dictating whether other people should enjoy the same rights as they do are probably watching Jon and Kate and the mockery of what a family should be. Did Jesus say go out and stick a needle inside you allowing you to give birth to six kids and then exploit them via television so you don’t have to get off your ass and work.

Who doesn’t remember Jim and Tammy Baker, Jimmy Swaggert, Robert Tilton, Paul Crouch, Ted Haggard or Tony Alamo just to name a few. Whatever happened to he who lives in a glass house better not throw the first stone? It disgusts me that I live in a state where we are so concerned about the definition of a word “marriage” that we will not allow people the freedom of choice. My god is this not CA. The east coast and midwest states are actually more liberal than CA. Didn’t Iowa pass a law allowing gay marriage? Iowa the potato state for God’s sake. I was born in Iowa so no offense to all the potato people please

I have lived in CA for 11 years and everyone asks me what the draw of this area is. One might think that the first response would be the beautiful city, the culture, the multitude of choices or the sheer amount of activities that are available all year round due to the mild weather conditions. No, my answer is the acceptance of everyone around me and the diversity of the population. You can be who you are with little or no judgment. This is more so than anywhere I have ever lived. Now I feel humiliated that I am living in a state that is so dictorial it can possible believe that a group of people can inflict its belief on everyone else.

What if I believed it was ok to kills cats. Can I do so just because? What if I convinced enough people to side with me and therefore made a law saying ok let’s all go out and kill cats. You say it is ridiculous. Why? What is the difference? It makes me sick to my stomach to think what people are doing and how they feel so strongly that their opinions are right that they change laws and the constitution to reflect their viewpoint.

I for one who am not gay (not that theres anything wrong with that) and don’t necessarily believe one way or the other feel that everyone has the right to choose what they want. Be who you are and stop inflicting your ideals on other people. Tolerance and acceptance should be our motto.

Grow up everyone. Stop acting like you are in grade school. This isn’t a joke and isn’t a game. People should be allowed to live freely. It is what the US was built on.

Freedom of choice.

Click Click Click

Click, Click, Click. Our status is now click driven. How many customers can you get in your store to buy a muffin, how many jeans can you sell today, how many times can you drive traffic to your website, how many times can you update your status. What is twitter anyway? I can tell you how many people ask me that. I think of it as a bullhorn that simply broadcasts out to the world how I am feeling at this moment or what I might be doing right now.

We are all constantly updated with each other. So much so that there is no longer a need to call or talk or God forbid actually get together and see each other face to face. My daughters and my daughter’s friends spend all their time on their phones and computers chatting. The sad part is that is when they are all together, in the same room. There always seems to be somebody that needs updating who couldn’t make it to the most recent gathering.

I wonder what our lives will be like in a couple of short years when North Korea starts firing off nuclear missiles or when the Gosslin children grow up and ask their parents what in the hell they were thinking parading their family around on TV. Mel is on his eighth child now. Maybe he could do a crossover of Jon and Kate meet Big Love. He could star and direct in the series while sucking down a bottle of Vodka and telling us all about his religious affiliations. That should drive a shitload of clicks.

I find it odd of all the blogs that I have written the ones driving the most traffic are still about Carrie Prejean. Today is the big vote in CA and we will find out if we are a state of bigots or a state of toleration for independent beliefs. Either way the result goes the topic should drive a lot of clicks and that is all that matters right. Who cares about results anymore? We just want to drive traffic.

Ideal age difference in Dating?

Having been thrown back into the dating game recently (Marriage ended year and a half ago) I think the dynamics of dating are interesting.

Most guys I know who are married all approach my new status with the same exuberant philosophy. Their standard questions reside around how old is the person I am dating and have I dated anyone who is twenty years old. Twenty seems to be some key to them. They want to hear stories about my dating experiences and live vicariously through whatever escapades that I might want to share (which is very little). It is like a game at times since I can easily say a few tidbits about something leaving the rest blank and listen to them try and fill in the holes with all kinds of interesting fantasies.

The real question I have is the age that is appropriate for dating between a man and a woman. Is a 10 year gap acceptable? Is a 5 year gap ideal? How about 20 years? Is that too many or going too far? Granted these are wide generalities and can’t be associated with everyone but “in general” what would be deemed appropriate. The largest gap I have encountered personally is 19 years and admittedly found it difficult to hold a conversation with said woman. In reality I think no matter what age she grows to be I would never be able to have a real conversation with that specific person.

I have also had experiences with women that were closer to the 13 year range and found it rather easy to carry on conversations almost to the point of instantly having a connection. I know that age can never completely be a deciding factor. Common interests, goals, life ambitions, desires all have to be matched and can be much more of a deterrent or positive influence than age, but age does play a factor. The closer a couple is in age the more they have in common by sheer lifetime experiences but then again some people can experience a lot in a very short time span.

Anyway, I just wanted to pose the question. What is an ideal age? What is considered inappropriate? What makes sense or does it even matter and should only be a secondary consideration?

For the record my personal philosophy holds at age being a non factor. I think as in all aspects you have to judge a relationship based on compatibility and emotional attraction. Both of those factors far outweigh age as a positive or negative influence but if you have thoughts let me know. I am new to the dating arena and I am always interested in hearing ideas.

Sexual Obsession

I find society’s obsession with sexuality interesting. In Steven Soderbergh’s new movie “The Girlfriend Experience” he has taken on the topic and how it is viewed in today’s mainstream cultural versus the back alleyways where we like to believe it lives. Even the title alone should make you wonder what has happened to our modern day morals as we search for the link of affection to sexual experiences. Don’t take this the wrong way. Nudity and sexuality have been a topic of society for years and will never go away as long as there are men (and women) alive on the planet but we seem to always find a way to push it to the next level.

“The Girlfriend Experience” is a term used to describe how a prostitute will allow her customer to experience what it might be like if she really cared about him for more than just the few hundred dollars he was giving her. She will talk with her customer, she will listen to her customer, she will treat her customer with affection, in short she will tenderly show affection to the customer while still allowing him the sexual pleasures he desires. I am sorry but wouldn’t it be easier to just have a girlfriend so you get the actual experience. Are we so caught up on what society’s ideas are of reality that we prefer the depiction of our fantasies versus the real thing or do we just want to have our fantasies fulfilled ignoring the reality that a complete package comes with ups and downs?

The porn industry has always been chided with its presentation of women and the idea that its plastic depiction is so unreal. Who has ever ordered a pizza and upon delivering said pizza to the house of a twenty year old housewife commenced to having sex with her on the couch. It just doesn’t happen in real life. That being said I have also never seen Godzilla eat New York or watched aliens blow up major cities or flown in a spaceship that was doing battle with Darth Vader. There are a lot of things that happen in movies that don’t happen in real life so is pornographic material that bad? I can’t really answer that but I can say there are vastly differing opinions which are felt almost as strongly as our views on abortion.

I admittedly had never heard of Sasha Grey before reading reviews of this movie which for the record I have not seen but most likely will when it hits pay per view on Comcast. Curiosity caught my attention so I did my Google search to look her up and see what I would find. It was amazing that within less than a minute of doing the search there were actual 3 minute porno clips popping up on my computer. I didn’t even know you could watch this type of material on your computer and I don’t remember ever once being asked if I was over 18. No wonder our kids our obsessed with laptops and the internet.

If Sasha Grey was not a household name before this movie my bet is she will be after this movie from the publicity generated on the topic alone. I can’t say whether she will jump to mainstream acting or not but she should be able to parlay this into some dollars. You have to wonder if she is smart enough to do this or if within 10 years she will be another cast aside commodity that the industry has used and abused to make a dollar and withers away in poverty. Just look the cast of “Slumdog Millionaires”. Every other day I read of another child actor’s cardboard house being demolished and these were the kids in tuxes and dresses at the Oscars.

Everything comes down to making a dollar. Just ask Craigslist which epitomizes what our culture is about and has probably helped coin the phrase “A Girlfriend Experience” to the point of allowing it to be the title of a movie and everyone instantly knowing what it means. I again don’t know the right or wrong of either side but I can say this. Prostitution is nothing more than exploitation and in the end the customers as well as the women/men will suffer but Hollywood is no better. As long as we have the drive to see movies with characters like the joker in the latest batman sequel or prostitutes in “The Girlfriend Experience” or young Indian children in “Slumdog Millionaire” the cycle will continue.

To ensure the point is made. We (everyone) allow the exploitation and therefore condone it by seeing these movies, by purchasing the products, by talking with our pocketbooks. “A Girlfriend Experience” will generate vast amounts of dollars just by the publicity it has generated on casting Sasha Grey and therefore stimulating our curiosity.

Doesn’t everyone remember “The Blair Witch Project”?

Decision time for my Teen daughter

I am back in my mountain home where I admittedly frequent most weekends. I love it up here. Everything is a little slower and you relax the second you drive under the arch that is the admitting ticket to tranquility. My oldest daughter (15) has brought her friend with her again this weekend and the topic of debate is allowing them to sleep in a tent with her two friends who live up here year round. I love the concept in general don’t get me wrong but with her past escapades I am finding it difficult to agree.

She has a history of sneaking out at times, meeting boys at night and the teenage crowd here seems to think that it is appropriate to mill around town until the AM hours on Friday and Saturday nights. I am at a loss on what the appropriate answer is.

Admittedly my daughter has turned a corner in the last several weeks bringing her grades back up, studying when she is supposed to and has even started reading books. OMG, I actually said it. My daughter is reading books. It seems like such a lost art from for the teenage generation of Facebook, Myspace and Cell Phones. If you combined her texts over a four week period (when she didn’t have her phone confiscated) she probably has enough content to write her own book but she has never had a passion for reading one.

The tent thing has me a little perplexed. I want to start trusting her again but I also don’t want to push her into a tempting situation where she can’t control her inability to say no. I mean we now live in times where Cheney and Obama are going head to head in the ultimate fighting ring, GM is going bankrupt and the Cavaliers actually have a shot at the NBA title. Stranger things are happening than giving my daughter the freedom to find her way while hoping she doesn’t slip to far down a path that she can’t recover.

I should ask my form high school teacher if he ever writes me back. I just connected with his daughter on facebook so hopefully it won’t be long until I hook up with him as well. Damn I love facebook. I can’t believe the people that I am getting in touch with. I think it is a much better tool when you are old like me but still it is incredible reconnecting no matter what your age.

I should let him read some of my book or stories and get his opinion on how far down the road of dementia I have travelled. Always nice to get an honest opinion and he was always one to kick me back on track.

Any ideas on my daughter let me know. Hey, I haven’t done a poll yet. Maybe now is a good time to start one.

Bikini Girl (American Idol), Pictures

I watched American Idol Wednesday night with millions of other people. I thought it should have been Adam who won but in the end I have to admit that I liked Kris as well. Who cares in reality? They will both be extremely successful.

I did think it was stupid when they strolled bikini girl out there on stage. Maybe not as stupid as the fat man fight in Wolverine but stupid none the less. I mean is she really so slow that she didn’t realize the entire world was making fun of her. It was humiliating to watch but her new breasts were nice.

I was surprised when I looked online and found out that she was not the only American Idol that has bikini experience. Casey Carlson who also auditioned looks so much hotter it isn’t even funny. I mean come on, who would you pick?

If I wasn’t a Casey Carlson fan before I sure am now. Is it possible to get her back on the show or any show? Some show. Maybe we could get her and Carrie Prejean to split the 1 million that Vivid offered and they could do a porno movie together.

Hey, don’t forget to read my short story to the right as well. Cheerleaders (Amber) It will freak you out.